Week 3 Review

Hide yo' Balls - here comes the DLB!

Week 3 Review

Sorry I’m running 3 weeks behind. I’m going to try to catch up. Most likely a futile effort…but I’ll try.

Now onto the Week 3 reviews…

Hells Kitchen Herzogs (2-1) d. Bashful Satanists (2-1) 318.67 - 256.67
Satanists pitching blows chunks as Herzogs cruise to victory…

Herzogs MVP – RP Matt Capps – 29.5 actual points, 14 projected (+15.5)
Herzogs LVP – C Victor Martinez – 1 actual point, 16 projected (-15). Monday injuries are weekly scoring killers…
Max possible points – 349
OF – Johnny Damon in, Josh Willingham out (+4)
SP – Jason Hammel, Cliff Lee out (+11.83)
SP – Mike “Sticky Fingers” Leake in, RA Dickey out (+15.5)

Satanists MVP – SP Ricky No”Decision”lasco – 29.5 actual points, 16 projected (+13.5)
Satanists LVP – SP Sam LeCure – 2.17 actual points, 20 projected (-17.83). 2-start pickup backfires when rainout causes LeCure to be skipped on Sunday. Whoops. Unlikely that he would’ve scored more than the 62 necessary points anyway as a 9 inning, 27 strikeout perfect game would only get 60…
Max possible score – 323.33 (enough to win)
1B – Brett Wallace in, “Dizzy” Morneau out (+11)
OF – Chris Coghlan in, Torii Hunter out (+7)
SP – Rick Porcello in, Sam LeCure out (+23.67)
SP – Alexi Ogando in, Brett Myers out (+16.33)
RP – Daniel Bard in, Ryan Franklin out (+8.67)

Norris Slum Lords (1-2) d. Isotopes (0-3) 376.33 – 235
Lords break out of slumber to annihilate ‘topes for first win of the year…

Lords MVP – 3B Jose Bautista – 45 actual points, 22 projected (+23)
Lords LVP – SP Jason Vargas – 14.5 actual points, 24 projected (-9.5)
Max possible points – 409.16
C – Kurt Suzuki in, Nick Hundley out (+4)
OF – Denard Span in, Jonny Gomes out (+4). Third straight week that Span outscores someone in the starting lineup. “Put me in coach!” says Span…
SP – Joe Blanton in, Jason Vargas out (+15.5) (Blanton on the bench with 2 starts in favor of Clayton Richard with 1. Clayton Richard?)
SP – Brian Duensing in, Clayton Richard out (+9.33)

Isotopes MVP – RP Ryan Madson – 30 actual points, 6 projected (+24). Too bad his wife hates the Phillies…
Isotopes LVP – SP Matt Cain – 1.33 actual points, 16 projected (-14.67)
Max possible score – 293.83
1B – Mitch Moreland in, Justin Smoak out (+24)
SP – Wade Davis in, Matt Cain out (+19.67)
SP – Josh Tomlin in, Jordan Zimmerman out (+15.17) (2nd straight week)

Jackrabbits (3-0) d. Rockbusters (1-2) 324.17 – 301.5
Despite huge week from James Shields, Rox can’t slip past undefeated Rabbits…

Rabbits MVP – SP Cole Hamels – 30.5 actual points, 18 projected (+12.5)
Rabbits LVP – OF Nelson Cruz – 8 actual points, 21 projected (-13) (2nd straight LVP for Nellie) Max possible points – 324.17

Rockbusters MVP – SP “Complete Game” James Shields – 75 actual points, 25 projected (+50)
Rockbusters LVP – RP Jordan Walden – 1.5 actual points, 12 projected (-10.5). Can’t score points when you can’t get into games…
Max possible score – 339.67 (enough to win)
U – Freddie Freeman in, Marlon Byrd out (+14) (Byrd actually started at OF, but Francisco was at U…work with me here)
OF – Vernon Wells in, Juan Pierre out (+2)
OF – Jerry Sands in, Alfonso Soriano out (+6)
SP – Brad Penny in, AJ Burnett out (+15.83)
SP – Aaron Harang in, Bruce Chen out (+0.33) (Hey, every fraction of a point counts!)

T-Baggers (1-1) d. Mattrostars (1-1) 308.17 – 277.5
Mattrostars drop below .500 as bullpen fails to contribute…

T-Baggers MVP – C Matt Wieters – 28 actual points, 13 projected (+15)
T-Baggers LVP – SP Esmil Rogers – -6.5 actual points, 23 projected (-29.5)
Max possible score – 385.17
OF – Peter Bourjos in, Jose Tabata out (+14)
SP – John Lackey in, Esmil Rogers out (+48!)
SP – Bronson Arroyo in, Ervin “Magic” Santana out (+8.67)
RP – Kevin Gregg in, Jon Broxton out (+6.33)

Mattrostars MVP – C Alex Avila – 23 actual points, 8 projected (+15)
Mattrostars LVP – RP Neftali Feliz – 1.5 actual points, 25 projected (-23.5)
Max possible score – 364.5 (enough to win)
OF – Jayson Werth in, Jay Bruce out (+8)
SP – Hiroki Kuroda in, Clayton Kershaw out (+15.67)
SP – Brandon Beachy “Keen” in, Edwin Jackson out (+44.17)
RP – Drew Storen in, Neftali Feliz out (+19.17)

Daddy’s Little Boys (3-0) d. Elephant Balls (1-2) 431.67 – 190.67
Hide yo’ wife, hide yo’ Balls…DLB goes apeshit on the EBalls in a Week 3 massacre…

DLB MVP – SP Brett Anderson – 57 actual points, 26 projected (+31)
DLB LVP – OF Shin-Soo Choo – 18 actual points, 24 projected (-6). And like that…*poof*…he was gone.
Max possible points – 437.67
OF – Carl Crawford in, Shin-Soo Choo out (+6)

E-Balls MVP – 3B David Wright – 40 actual points, 20 projected (+20)
E-Balls LVP – SP Paul Maholm – -2.17 actual points, 21 projected (-23.17)
Max possible score – 272.67
C – John Buck in, Jorge Posada out (+7)
U – Kelly Johnson in, Chris Johnson out (+17)
OF – Sam Fuld in, Magglio Ordonez out (+21)
OF – Seth Smith in, Bobby Abreu out (+2)
SP – Tom Gorzelanny in, Erik Bedard out (+4.5)
SP – Wade LeBlanc in, Paul Maholm out (+12.67)
RP – Brandon Lyon in, Mariano Rivera out (+17.83)
(Note – that’s every one of the E-Balls’ bench options except Derrek Lee, outperforming a starter…)

Brooklyn Blunted B (2-1) d. Snapdragons (1-2) 309.5 – 183.83
Vaunted Blunted defense holds Snappers to CWFLB season-low output in Week 3 romp…

Blunted MVP – SP “The Scherzinator” – 51.5 actual points, 31 projected (+20.5)
Blunted LVP – OF Carlos “One Year Wonder” Gonzalez – 6 actual points, 23 projected (-17)
Max possible score – 397
3B – Danny Valencia in, Chase Headley out (+13)
U – Brett Gardner in, Raul Ibanez out (+4)
SP – Dice-K in, Kyle McClellan out (+46)
SP – Anibal Sanchez in, Jair Jurrjens out (+23.5)
SP – Scott Baker in, Carlos Zambrano out (+1)

Snappers MVP – 1B Ike Davis – 32 actual points, 15 projected (+17)
Snappers LVP – RP Chris Perez – 3.33 actual points, 20 projected (-16.67)
Max possible points – 192.33 (Really?)
SP – Tyler Chatwood in, Jhoulys Chacin out (+8.5)

Limerick Lynchmob (1-2) d. H Tree (1-2) 339.5 – 311
H Tree puts up the highest losing score of the week in valiant effort against the ‘mob…


Lynchmob MVP – SP CJ Wilson – 48.5 actual points, 34 projected (+14.5)
Lynchmob LVP – SS Alexei Ramirez – 2 actual points, 20 projected (-18)
Max possible score – 392
C – Mike Napoli in, Geo Soto out (+12)
U - Mike Cuddyer in, Paul Konerko out (+7)
SP – Randy Wolf in, Chris Carpenter out (+33.5)

H Tree MVP – SP Kyle Lohse – 36.5 actual points, 11 projected (+25.5)
H Tree LVP – OF Logan Morrison - 1 actual point, 20 projected (-19). How many times do I have to tell you guys? Don’t get injured on Monday...
Max possible points – 324
SP – Mike Pelfrey in, Gio Gonzalez out (+13)