Satanists, Slum Lords surprise with most All-Stars

Rockbusters' All-Star Jason Castro.

Your 2013 MLB All-Stars, by Woco team breakdown. (Going out on a limb and calling the NL final vote for Puig and one of the Rabbits' closers over those AL middle relievers).

You might think  Ricky Martin's boyfriend's team would lead this list. After all, they're a club some have called "historic." (Let history show they're gargling on T-Baggers this week.) You might think it's the MattroStars, seemingly on their way to an eighth consecutive division title. You'd be wrong on both counts. Instead, it's a couple teams that came into this week with identical 5-8 records: the Satanists and Slum Lords. Speaking of power bottoms like Ricky Martin, the two teams on the other end of this list probably won't surprise you.

Bashful Satanists (7)
RHP: Clay Buchholz, Red Sox

LHP: Glen Perkins, Twins
OF: Torii Hunter, Tigers
OF: Bryce Harper, Nationals
LHP: Jeff Locke, Pirates
C: Buster Posey, Giants

OF: Domonic Brown, Phillies

Norris Slum Lords (7)
RHP: Bartolo Colon, A's
1B: Prince Fielder, Tigers
2B: Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox
C: Yadier Molina, Cardinals
RHP: Matt Harvey, Mets
RHP: Craig Kimbrel, Braves
OF: Yasel Puig, Dodgers (FV)

MattroStars (6)
C: Joe Mauer, Twins
RHP: Felix Hernandez, Mariners
2B: Jason Kipnis, Indians
DH: Edwin Encarnacion, Blue Jays
LHP: Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers
OF: Carlos Gomez, Brewers

Isotopes (6)
RHP: Justin Masterson, Indians
OF: Carlos Gonzalez, Rockies
LHP: Aroldis Chapman, Reds
RHP: Adam Wainwright, Cardinals
RHP: Jordan Zimmermann, Nationals

3B: Pedro Alvarez, Pirates

Daddy's Little Boys (5)
3B: Miguel Cabrera, Tigers
2B: Ben Zobrist, Rays
SS: Troy Tulowitzki, Rockies
OF: Andrew McCutchen, Pirates
LHP: Travis Wood, Cubs

Elephant Balls (5)
1B: Chris Davis, Orioles
RHP: Mariano Rivera, Yankees
OF: Alex Gordon, Royals
3B: David Wright, Mets
SS: Everth Cabrera, Padres

The H Tree (5)

OF: Mike Trout, Angels
OF: Jose Bautista, Blue Jays

RHP: Yu Darvish, Rangers

RHP: Max Scherzer, Tigers
RHP: Jason Grilli, Pirates

Hell's Kitchen Herzogs (5)
2B: Robinson Cano, Yankees
OF: Adam Jones, Orioles
OF: Carlos Beltran, Cardinals
LHP: Cliff Lee, Phillies
SS: Jean Segura, Brewers

Limerick Lynchmob (5)
RHP: Justin Verlander, Tigers
1B: Joey Votto, Reds
LHP: Madison Bumgarner, Giants
OF: Michael Cuddyer, Rockies
2B: Marco Scutaro, Giants

Jackrabbits (4)
RHP: Hisashi Iwakuma, Mariners
OF: Nelson Cruz, Rangers
1B: Paul Goldschmidt, D-backs
RHP: Joaquin Benoit, Tigers / Koji Uehara, Red Sox (FV)

T-Baggers (3)
LHP: Chris Sale, White Sox
C: Salvador Perez, Royals
1B: Allen Craig, Cardinals

Snapdragons (3)
3B: Manny Machado, Orioles

RHP: Jose Fernandez, Marlins

2B: Matt Carpenter, Cardinals

Free Agents (3)
LHP: Brett Cecil, Blue Jays
RHP: Jesse Crain, White Sox
SS: Jhonny Peralta: Tigers

Rockbusters (3)
DH: David Ortiz, Red Sox
RHP: Joe Nathan, Rangers
C: Jason Castro, Astros

New Orleans Towels (3)

SS: J.J. Hardy, Orioles

2B: Brandon Phillips, Reds

LHP: Patrick Corbin, D-backs

Just a reminder, get those Woco-at-the-Break comments in this week, and be sure to include your predictions for best and worst teams. Some great material in already.