Below are the first annual Breig's All-Bums Divisional Teams. We all own them. We all defend them. We all justify our owning them and we even love them just a little. In fact, love is the only thing that would explain some of these fellas being owned. Enjoy...
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
*Lenny Division Bums*
Jarrod Saltalmacchia - Besides being injured constantly and only having one good fantasy week in his career, he has the distinction of being the 3rd string Catcher on the Topes. What a great use of a roster spot.
Kila Ka'aihue - Easily the 3rd or 4th best 1B prospect on a horrible team.
Eric O. Young - No power, check. Can't hit for average, check. No room for him in the majors, check.
Ryan Theriot - 14HRs in 2108 PAs. Nuff said.
Casey McGehee - Have you ever seen his profile picture? The guy is a loser. Pencil him in for .225 with a complete power outage this season. Gamel will be fumbling the ball over there 6 days a week soon enough.
Scott Podsednik - He had a breakout year in 2009 with his most HRs in 5 seasons. Still not good enough for double digits though. This isn't a roto league and it's not 2004.
Ryan Ludwick - The Ludwick miracle is over. It coincided with the Ankiel miracle. It's midnight Cinderella.
Chris B. Young - He's not young any more, he doesn't have pop anymore and he doesn't steal anymore. That's the triple crown of bumdom.
Mat Gamel - He lost a job to fellow bum Casey McGehee. Truly embarassing.
Carl Pavano - He may be the only one of the group who is a bigger bum in real life than he is in fantasy sports.
Robinson Tejeda - There must be something I don't know about Robby. Mattro is right behind me in roster maximization skills. Tejeda is an absolute waste of a roster spot.
Chien-Ming Wang - He's one of the precious few on this list that was actually traded for. He hold the record for worst week by a Woco SP and damn near holds the record for worst game. On top of that, he's not even DL eligible as of cut day. Bum city.
Dontrelle Willis - Hypnosis is the only shot he has. The problem is that he tried it and started eating his arm because he thought he was a piece of fried chicken.
Doug Davis - He led the league in walks last year. Righteous!
Chris Ray - He wasn't good when he was healthy and he is far from healthy.
Chris Perez - A scrub RP who is behind a big money closer. Not so big of a deal, but he's on a rebuilding team. That's a minor league spot waiting to happen
Jeanmar Gomez - I don't know who he is either. A quick google shows he must really like A ball, because he spent a whole lot of time there.
Yorman Bazardo - Not too young, not too good. Just right for Sal.
Allen Craig - He always seems to be Mattro's cherry on top of an already bad trade offer. If he was truly a SS, he wouldn't be on this list, but he hasn't played there since 2006.
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
*Mookie Division Bums*
Jeff Clement - He's always injured, not really a catcher and forgot how to hit about a year ago.
Ryan Garko - He had so much promise in 2007 and hasn't been a full timer since. Even the Giants wised up and signed a replacement.
Clint Barmes - He's so good that Heck traded for fellow bum Chris Coughlan to hopefully replace him at 2B.
JJ Hardy - new town, same bum. He's going to lose at bats to Brendan Harris. That is hard to do.
Kevin Kouzmanoff - Limited power, doesn't hit for average, doesn't steal bases and is on a bad team. I hope he can field.
Chris Coughlan - Will he ever hit 20HRs or steal 20 bases? I don't think so. That means he has to be Boggs or Gwynn to be productive. Fat chance.
Matt Diaz - Was there hope that he would start for the Zogs in 2010? It was pretty clear he probably wouldn't even start for the Braves this year. I never trust anyone who doesn't even know how to pronounce their own last name. Oh yeah, and he can't hit.
Garrett Jones - I love it when guys come out of nowhere like Garrett did last season. I love it more when they aren't on my team and go back to nowhere the following April. You thought it was tough to lose at bats in Pittsburgh, keep an eye on Garrett, Minors by June 1st. Book it.
Adam LaRoche - This could be the year he finally....As if.
Noah Lowry - He isn't even worth a DL spot. I would have cut him just so I didn't have to look at him on my lineup page.
Manny Parra - How do you win 11 games with a 6.36 ERA? Manny knows.
Yusmeiro Petit - He was a hot prospect when I joined the league and I still don't know how to pronounce his name. That says it all.
Ross Ohlendorf - Pirates pitchers are always great investments.
Josh Outman - I'd rather own his arch enemy Will Inman.
Mike MacDougal - Big, red, lanky and married to a Methacton grad. 1/4 ain't bad.
Daniel Bard - How much are holds worth?
Deolis Guerra - 5.17 ERA in AA last year and it wasn't his worst of the last 3 years.
Jacob McGee - He looked real good in 2006.
Alex Liddi - Heyward, Bumgarner, Liddi - one of these things is not like the other, One of these things doesn't belong.
1 comment:
Brigg is a bum!
Post a Comment