Hey Blunted, RELAX!

The Blunted Stopher training staff is a little, well, "different."

The beginning of a new season brings with it hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, this year things will be different. That your breakout players were more than one-year wonders. That those scrub pitchers you drafted develop into young stars. That you actually have a shot at making the playoffs. That you might actually not get beaten over and over by your daddy again.

This is the NY Blunted Stophers 2008 season. And right now, it's at a tremendous crossroads. Coming roaring out of the gate with a point-filled 2-0 start that left that at the top of the standings and the points scored column, co-owners Sal Goldstein and Randy Stopher are, sources close to the organization say, extremely optimistic. But we're not talking about .500 optimistic -- a more realistic goal after seasons of 9-14 and, most recently, a franchise-worst 4-18 mark last year.

The Stophers, sources say, think this is the year they knock the Hell's Kitchen Her-zogs off the back page of the NY Sports sections. That this is the year they turn around their incredulous 6-25 record against their vaunted rival MattroStars. The Stophers, they say, believe they've arrived.

But here they sit at 2-1, down 11 points and a start (at press time) to those 0-3 Her-zogs. And that league-leading point total has suddenly dropped them down to third, with the Isotopes just 7 points back and gaining fast. First, A-Rod goes down with a quad injury. Then Dice-K gets the flu. Then Trevor Hoffman blows yet another save. Super-hyped-by-the-NYC-media outfielders like Melky Cabrera and Carlos Gomez get shuffled in and out of the lineup, but to no avail.

A 2-0 start, followed by a loss to an expansion team, and staring at the possibility of consecutive week losses to those Her-Zogs and MattroStars, well, let's just say 2-3 doesn't look too good. So with the leaks starting to surface, and the water starting to fill the ship, Goldstein & Stopher did what they do best. They panicked. And they traded a draft pick for 29-year-old setup man Heath Bell. It's hardly a franchise-destroying move, but the writing is on the wall: The Stophers are playing scared.

Life at the top, owners used to being in the limelight will tell you, is not necessarily easy.

"Some guys just aren't cut out to be part of prime time," says MattroStars owner Matt Grisafi. "Look at Pastino, guy's never been able to handle the pressure in the CWFLB. He's practically working in seclusion now, like a mad scientist holed up in his basement, trying to convince himself this is the year Jamie Moyer turns into Randy Johnson and is worth playing.

"I actually feel bad for Sal and Randy," Grisafi says. "They're clearly cracking. The desperate attempts to justify their moves, the constant need for approval, the delusion that their team might be able to compete. And then here we are beating them 25 times out of 31. It's got to wear on you at some point. The media is brutal, even more so when you've got the media savvy of a high school girl."

For the Stophers, the season could turn at this very moment. Turn things around, knock the 'Zogs off the back page, and gain momentum in trying to stop the white-hot MattroStars from continuing their next week. Or, like is usually the case, falling flat on their faces, getting smoked by both teams and remaining league laughingstocks.

What will happen?

"What what?" the MattroStars owner laughs. "They know they're the ones about to get it in the butt butt."