The Blunted Stophers' Alex Rodriguez led all batters with 45 points.
Week 1 of the CWFLB season is in the books, and with a few surprises to boot. Last year's league doormats, the Blunted Stophers and AC's Gun Show, shocked the world in winning their week 1 matchups. Predicted by Rocky to win 6.5 and 5.5 games, respectively, the two find themselves in an unfamiliar place after the first week of action -- first place. Meanwhile, the 'Topes found themselves on the wrong end of a T-Bagging, while the Satanists put up a stinker against the Rabbits. One thing that surprised no one, however -- the MattroStars and DLB won in dominant fashion.
Daddy's Little Boys 391, Elephant Balls 306
Johan Santana (50.5) and Miguel Cabrera (41) waste no time getting to mid-season form while Daddy's Little Braves Edgar Renteria and Brian McCann combined for 52. Throw in 39.5 from Ben Sheets and a combined 62.5 from Nathan and The Ninja, and George and his new friend Kei Igawa (-1 point) were quickly the ones sucking balls. Jose Reyes led the E-Balls with 43. Good coaching by the DLB as AJ Burnett, Brad Lidge and Jorge Julio combined for -13.34 on the bench.
MattroStars 360.83, Limerick Lynchmob 306.83
An early battle for the Jeltz Division was all MattroStars, thanks to 6 pitchers throwing up 28.5 or more, including a 33.5-point start from King Felix and 47.33 from two Oswalt starts (Lidge blew his first start or it would've been 57.33). Vlad the Impaler (39) and Austin Kearns (23) were the only offensive Stars to reach 20 points. Once the bats come alive, look out. Conversely, the 'Mob had 5 offensive players with 20-plus, but with bad outings from Chris Carpenter (4.5 and injured) and David Bush (8), they were doomed.
Blunted Stophers 321.33, Hells Kitchen Herzogs 315.33
The Zogs argued and later dropped his protest of a roster move that enabled the Stophers to insert setup man Scott Shields in the game. The setup man scummed a save en route to a 24.67-point performance that just may have won the Stophers the first game of the Subway Series. Dice-K's debut netted 29.5, but it was A-Rod (45) and new Stopher Curtis Granderson (31) that did the majority of the damage. The Met-loving 'Zogs left John Maine's 28.5 on the bench, while Chris Young (7.83) got rocked. Some faith. Starting Chad Cordero, who looks like he might never pitch in a save situation this year, over Armando Benitez further added to their demise.
T-Baggers 312.33, Isotopes 300.67
Three offensive starters didn't reach double figures for the T-Baggers, but a trio of pitchers picked up the slack with 40-plus point performances. Bob Wickman (49.5), John Lackey (46) and Dontrelle Willis (43.5) pounded the 'Topes. The Baggers decision to start Vicente Padilla (10.33) over Kip Wells (42) was almost costly, but the 'Topes decision to start White Sox starters Jose Contreras (-8) and Jon Garland (5.17) with one start each over two-start pitchers Gil Meche (32.67) and Randy Wolf (29) proved deadly. Felix "The Cheater" Rodriguez led the 'Topes with 37.5.
Jackrabbits 297.33, Bashful Satanists 220.67
What do Fausto Carmona, Dan Wheeler and Dustin Hermanson all have in common? They all put up goose eggs (or in Wheeler's case, worse) in week 1. Hermanson may not be good enough to be on an MLB roster, but he was good enough for the Satanists. Speaking of goose eggs, Rabbits hot prospect third baseman Alex Gordon put one up, going 1-for-19 with an error. Luckily the Rabbits other rookie-of-the-year candidate Chris Young had a 23-point debut. J-Roll (39) and Aaron Harang (42.83) led the Satanists.
AC's Gun Show 266, Norris Slum Lords 265
Having a catcher who played a game in week 1 would've won this game for the Lords, as an injured Roberto Hernandez put up a goose egg. Two starts from Orlando Hernandez (33) might have been the better route to go over Carl Pavano (2.67) or spring struggler Mark Buehrle (although in all fairness he was hit with a line drive and removed from the game). For the Gun Show, waiver wire pickup Eric Byrnes exploded for 43, but you can pin this win on an injury that moved Kyle Davies into the Braves' rotation, giving the Gun Show an actual fifth starting pitcher in their lineup instead of reliever Chad Billingsley. It ain't pretty, but a win's a win.
***
Players of the week
C - Brian McCann (27, DLB)
1B - Justin Morneau (24, Satan)
2B - Orlando Hudson (32, Slum)
SS - Jose Reyes (43, EBall)
3B - Alex Rodriguez (45, Blunt)
OF - Eric Byrnes (43, AC)
OF - Vladimir Guerrero (39, Stars)
OF - Adam Dunn (38, Slum)
U - David Ortiz (24, DLB)
SP - Johan Santana (50, DLB)
SP - Roy Oswalt (47.3, Stars)
SP - John Lackey (46, TBag)
SP - Dontrelle Willis (43.5, TBag)
SP - Aaron Harang (42.8, Satan)
RP - Bob Wickman (49.5, TBag)
RP - Francisco Rodriguez (37.5, Topes)
Bums of the Week
C - Roberto Hernandez (0, Slum)
1B - Lance Berkman (12, Stars)
2B - Josh Barfield (7, DLB)
SS - Bobby Crosby (3, AC)
3B - Alex Gordon (0, Jack)
OF - Andre Ethier (3, Blunt)
OF - Jermaine Dye (4, TBag)
OF - Raul Ibanez (5, TBag)
U - Morgan Ensberg (5, Satan)
SP - Jose Contreras (-8, Topes)
SP - Kei Igawa (-1, EBall)
SP - Mike Mussina (0, Slum)
SP - Fausto Carmona (0, Satan)
SP - Mark Buehrle (1.17, Slum)
RP - Dan Wheeler (-0.5, Satan)
RP - Dustin Hermanson (DNQ, Satan)
All-Bench Team
C - Paul Lo Duca (22, F.A.)
1B - Casey Kotchman (22, Mob)
2B - BJ Upton (17, DLB)
SS - Stephen Drew (16, Topes)
3B - Scott Rolen (15, Topes)
OF - Chris Duncan (20, Mob)
OF - Scott Hairston (19, Jack)
OF - Delmon Young (18, TBag)
SP - Kip Wells (42, TBag)
SP - Orlando Hernandez (33, Slum)
SP - Gil Meche (32.7, Topes)
SP - Kelvim Escobar (29.2, DLB)
SP - Randy Wolf (29, Topes)
RP - Salamon Torres (49.5, Jack)
RP - Jose Valverde (39.8, Mob)
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