New logo, same shitty team.
To bide us time until Daddy's much-anticipated trade report, let's take a look at what's going on around the CWFLB:
- George Pastino and the Elephant Balls do check in on their team! Not only did they make a trade (shipping Vernon Wells and a 2nd round pick to the Isotopes for Bobby "Garbage" Abreu, Tom Gorzelanny and Jon Garland), but they changed their logo too. The new-look E-Balls are now sporting the old Kansas City Athletics logo of an elephant on top of a baseball. The elephant is still part of the Oakland A's uniforms today, a curious move as George is a die-hard, jerk-off-to-Derek-Jeter-pictures Yankees fan. Incidentally, the Fapper will be joined by fellow owners Rocky Pagnotta and Matt Grisafi at this Saturday's Yankees-Pirates game in New York. The 'Topes Roger Clemens is scheduled to make his return, but a sore groin (likely from banging Gay-Rod) is making things iffy.
- Can someone tell Sal we're not in a rotisserie league? Joey Gathright's steals aren't going to do the Blunted Stophers a lick of good when the guy's hitting .253/.321/.307. "Hilarious," said one anonymous owner not named Rocky. Easily the worst pickup of the year. Meanwhile, the Stophers are quickly falling back to earth after a hot start. Last year's worst team now sits at 8th out of 12 teams in scoring and look to be headed for their third straight loss. This is the Blunted Stophers we all know and love.
- How many of you thought Dan Uggla was going to come back to earth this season? You can all put your hands down. Uggla has been nothing short of Chase Utley Jr., hitting .269/.348/.545 with 12 HR and 36 RBI. He's tied for the league lead in doubles with Chase and is the No. 2 fantasy second baseman in the league. On top of that, prospect Jay Bruce is mashing to the tune of .320/.373/.578 in the minors. Suddenly dealing Bonson Arroyo and Rocco Baldelli is looking like a smart move for the Gun Show. The injury prone Baldelli can't stay on the field, and when he has he's done nothing special, hitting .205/.269/.358. Arroyo has been nothing short of dreadful, currently ranked 81st among SP at 2-7 with a 5.01 ERA and 1.47 WHIP.
- Speaking of dreadful, how about those T-Baggers? Despite a 3-6 record they're now dead last in points, a good 70 behind the expansion Gun Show. What's to blame? The offense. Only Todd Helton (7th) and Mike Lowell (5th) are the only Baggers among the top-12 at their position. Their top-ranked outfielder, Andruw Jones, currently sits at 30th. As a team they're hitting just .259/.335/.403 and their 1,416 offensive points are 139 behind the 11th-ranked Gun Show offense and a mind-numbing 424 behind the top-ranked E-Balls offense. (How are the E-Balls 2-7 you might ask? A pitching staff that's put up just 1,005 points, with a 4.90 ERA and a 1.48 WHIP).
2 comments:
You know, sometimes you have an extra spot on your roster (DL'd a guy) so you take a flier, in this case Gathright who hit well in his first two games up for the royals, and steals, once a heralded prospect with Tampa . . .
Peeps gave up on Adrian Gonzalez too, we all know how that one turned out.
Wow, that was awesome! He must have googled his name and found the site. This site is better than 38pitches.com!
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